Yet another Kharkov expat blog

Kharkov attracts all the wrong sorts … http://kharkov.tumblr.com

Hence the revolution

I was explaining to my devushka what Royal Ascot was. In my perfect russian it went something like this…

“It’s a spectacle where horses race, the devushki wear big hats and it is watched by the cow”.

One syllable in russian makes such a difference. There goes my knighthood; i’ll stick to spying.

Well at least I am making progress on ordering water with gas; I am up to a 50% success rate, which goes higher when I just say Perrier.

The flames grow higher

Ukraine likes its upscale references. One of which is ‘our chef has trained in Paris/Rome/Poltava’. Fidele had a special strawberry creme brulee in the recent strawberry season. When it arrived it resembled, ok it was, an angel delight moussey thing. I enquired where was the brulee? The waitress said, that’s a creme brulee, our chef trained in Paris. Fortunately , it was a short strawberry season.

Big Foot; not just in Tibet

So one thing Ukraine is not too bad at is shoes. Obviously the devushki have their ever soaring heels to choose from and titilate the men. But what about us poor englishmen? I have the fortune of being tall; which in ukraine is not quite a good fortune. The tall girls seem to prefer shorter men with big stomachs and a Lexus. In fact all girls seem to prefer men with big stomachs and a Lexus, both of which continue to deny me.

Anyways, I have size 11 feet or 46 in euro speak. I browse past the fine collection of shoes with funny holes and strange thatching patterns and those with D&G plastered in BIG letters and find some I like. And I like shoes. Then comes the have you got this shoe in a 46 ? They always go off to look though we both know the answer to that question. The only place I have encountered shoes in 46 is in Barbarashova, where they take a 45 and insert something big and metallic to push the shoe out to be an approximate fit.

So my question is; do all the slavic races have men with small feet? I see tall men in the streets – a survey  beckons. I will hire a cute devushka to stand outside metro pushkinskaya to accost all tall men to ask them their shoe size. Hmm, perhaps a cute devushka is not a good idea here …

As for the tall devushka who tower over me; I am told their shoes reach a maximum of 40. They must have bigger feet or they would just fall over.

Lost

Ok, living on a $1000 was so traumatic I could not pick up my pen for 3 months. But I survived some may be pleased to know. Not sure what the ukrainians think mind you…

Ok, so I didn’t quite manage to stay within $1000. I had to blow a big wad on the devushka for Valentine’s Day; when the devushka requests it has to be Paris then we know how all dissappointed devushki react, so it had to be Paris. Luckily the restaurant is closer than the city. Paris is not a good destination for after the romantic dinner activities due to it’s menu of oil, oil and oily food, though the fondue was reasonably authentic for Ukraine.

So maybe I blew $1200 in February; well this is probably more like the average Ukrainian anyway now with the advent of the gimme credit society; either everybody is living on credit or I’m in the wrong job.

But now the rub. I have fallen into living cheaply. I find it difficult to spend money on frivoulous things. I walked out of the Pivo Bar when I saw their prices. I am now offended by the $3 cappuccinno. Soon I’ll be catching the tram over the metro to save 35 kopecks.

Now I sit in Borispol airport nice but hidden away cafe on their free wi-fi sipping coffee and wondering why it costs the same in the rip-off airport as in Kharkov.